Core Concepts
Struggling with addiction and a profound sense of disconnection, the author finds solace and renewal in the presence of nature and the resilience of the human spirit.
Abstract
The content explores the author's personal journey through a period of intense substance abuse, isolation, and existential crisis. Initially, the use of drugs began innocuously, with a "little bump forward," but it quickly spiraled into a relentless cycle of sleepless nights, substance abuse, and a deep sense of unworthiness.
The author describes a state of being outside the normal rhythms of day and night, occupying a "tertiary space" where they had "disappeared" and become "less." This sense of disconnection and self-diminishment is vividly conveyed through the author's vivid descriptions of their interactions with the nocturnal creatures on their porch - the coyotes, raccoons, and possums.
However, the content also hints at a glimmer of hope and resilience. The author's observation of the eagles soaring in the sky, "in the shape of a halo," suggests a deeper spiritual connection and a call to action. This imagery serves as a metaphor for the author's own potential for transformation and redemption.
The content does not provide a clear resolution to the author's struggles, but it conveys a sense of the ongoing nature of the journey, with the author still grappling with the aftermath of their experiences. The overall tone is one of raw honesty and a willingness to confront the darkest aspects of the human experience.
Stats
"Staying awake several days at a time became the norm."
"I chain-smoked menthols till my lungs were sore. Drank glass after glass of whiskey. Even when I didn't feel it. Put gram after gram in my nose until the world was whiteout."
Quotes
"When I see an eagle soaring in the shape of a halo it means more than summer skies. More than angels wearing loafers of clay. It's a call to arms in the shape of shadows iterated and reiterated. Until relief is colored magenta."
"I didn't sleep during those days, which, if you think about it, even flowers bow their heads and pray. I was up all night. With the coyotes and the raccoons."