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We face a choice in how we internalize external criticism: we can let it define us or choose to focus on our own self-perception.


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Member-only story Life significantly improves when you understand these two choices Alex Mathers · Follow 6 min read · Just now Just now -- Share

I’ve been criticised all my life.

Mostly, these centre around being ‘too quiet,’ ‘boring,’ ‘serious,’ ‘morose,’’ ‘sleepy,’ ‘like I’ve just woken up,’ and ‘angry.’

I’m pretty introverted, have slitty eyes, and it can look like I’m sleepy and grumpy a lot of the time.

Of course, being criticised doesn’t make me unique or a special case. Nor does it mean that this reflects who I really am, or how I feel, or that I haven’t had people praise me for my confidence too.

But I cling to the comments that have bothered me the most. And these are the ones that have turned into a complex for me like a gnarly toad stuck on my back.

The complex can be self-fulfilling.

If I’m worried about how ‘boring’ others think I am, then I tighten up, act defensively, and hey presto — I’m no fun to be around.

An ideal world for me would be one in which everyone continually said how awesome, cool and fun I am while avoiding any and all forms of negative judgement.

I’m guessing it’s the same for you, right?

Not going to happen.

Now, with this, I have a choice — we have a choice.

Life significantly improves when you understand these two choices

### title_rewrite
Navigating Self-Perception and External Judgement

### category
Human-Computer Interaction 

### topic
Self-Perception

### coremsg
We face a choice in how we internalize external criticism: we can let it define us or choose to focus on our own self-perception. 

### note
This brief, personal essay explores the impact of external criticism on self-perception. The author, who identifies as introverted, reflects on a lifetime of being judged for appearing "too quiet," "boring," or "angry." He acknowledges the universal nature of criticism while confessing his tendency to dwell on negative comments. This tendency, he argues, creates a self-fulfilling prophecy: worrying about appearing "boring" leads to behaviors that confirm this perception. The author suggests that while living in a world devoid of negative judgment is unrealistic, we have a choice in how we internalize criticism. 

### data_sheet

### quotes
"If I’m worried about how ‘boring’ others think I am, then I tighten up, act defensively, and hey presto — I’m no fun to be around."
"An ideal world for me would be one in which everyone continually said how awesome, cool and fun I am while avoiding any and all forms of negative judgement."
"Now, with this, I have a choice — we have a choice."

### further_questions
How can we cultivate resilience and self-compassion in the face of persistent negative judgment?
Isn't it important to be receptive to constructive criticism, even if it makes us uncomfortable?
If our perception shapes our reality, how can we consciously shift our focus to embrace a more empowering and authentic self-image? 


Self-Perception

navigating-self-perception-and-external-judgement

note


"If I’m worried about how ‘boring’ others think I am, then I tighten up, act defensively, and hey presto — I’m no fun to be around."
"An ideal world for me would be one in which everyone continually said how awesome, cool and fun I am while avoiding any and all forms of negative judgement."
"Now, with this, I have a choice — we have a choice."


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Navigating Self-Perception and External Judgement


Navigating Self-Perception and External Judgement

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Life significantly improves when you understand these two choices

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