Feeling Like an Adult: The Challenges of Adulthood and the Disconnect Between Appearance and Experience

Core Concepts

Even as a mature adult, one can still feel like they are playing dress-up and not fully grown or developed, due to the responsibilities and experiences they had to take on from a young age.

Abstract

The article explores the author's personal experience of not always feeling like a true adult, despite meeting the societal criteria for adulthood. The author discusses how, from a young age, they were forced to take on adult responsibilities such as caring for their younger sibling, cleaning the house, and cooking meals, while their peers were still children. This "adultified childhood" led the author to feel like they were simply "playing dress up" in adulthood, even as they reached their 30s and 40s.
The author highlights moments that revealed their "adulthood to be fraudulent," such as forgetting to take birth control pills, locking themselves out of their apartment, and making a mess while attempting to cook. Despite having the outward appearance of an adult, with greying hair, extra pounds, and jowls, the author still struggles to feel like a fully grown and developed person.
The article delves into the cultural and societal standards used to define adulthood, noting that these can vary depending on the culture. It suggests that the author's experience of an "adultified childhood" may have contributed to their ongoing struggle to feel like a true adult, even as they have reached middle age.

Stats

"I've cleaned my house hundreds of thousands of times, cooked thousands of meals, paid bills for over the last 25 years, made my own doctor's appointments, and dealt with the aggravations of daily life for far longer than I can remember."
"By the time I reached my 30s, I had some of the things I thought signaled adulthood in a high-income country: my own apartment and a job that paid a living wage."

Quotes

"While I was a legal adult, I felt as though I were playing dress up in my mother's dresses and makeup."
"I'm 54 and sometimes I still don't feel like an adult."

Key Insights Distilled From

I Don’t Always Feel Like An Adult

by Vena Moore at medium.com 04-18-2024

https://medium.com/crows-feet/i-dont-always-feel-like-an-adult-9709936d89e2

Deeper Inquiries

How do cultural and societal expectations of adulthood differ across various regions and communities?

Cultural and societal expectations of adulthood can vary significantly across different regions and communities. In some cultures, reaching a certain age or milestone, such as marriage or parenthood, is seen as a clear indicator of adulthood. In contrast, other societies may place more emphasis on individual achievements, financial independence, or educational attainment. Additionally, the concept of adulthood can be influenced by factors like gender, socioeconomic status, and religious beliefs. For example, in some cultures, women may be expected to take on domestic responsibilities at a young age, while men are expected to be the primary breadwinners. These differences in expectations can shape how individuals perceive and experience adulthood in diverse ways.

What are the potential long-term psychological and emotional impacts of being forced to take on adult responsibilities at a young age?

Being forced to take on adult responsibilities at a young age can have significant long-term psychological and emotional impacts on individuals. This experience can lead to feelings of resentment, stress, and burnout, as the individual may miss out on important aspects of childhood, such as play, exploration, and carefree moments. The pressure to fulfill adult roles prematurely can also result in a sense of inadequacy, as the individual may struggle to meet the expectations placed upon them. Moreover, the lack of emotional support and guidance during this period can contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness. These experiences can have lasting effects on self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being, potentially leading to issues like anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy attachments in adulthood.

How can individuals who have experienced an "adultified childhood" find ways to reclaim a sense of childhood and personal growth in their adult lives?

Individuals who have experienced an "adultified childhood" can take steps to reclaim a sense of childhood and foster personal growth in their adult lives. One approach is to seek therapy or counseling to address any unresolved trauma or emotional wounds from their past experiences. Engaging in activities that bring joy and playfulness, such as hobbies, creative pursuits, or spending time in nature, can help reconnect with a sense of innocence and curiosity. Building a supportive network of friends and loved ones who understand and validate their experiences can also aid in the healing process. Additionally, practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and prioritizing mental and emotional well-being are essential for individuals to nurture themselves and cultivate a sense of personal growth and fulfillment in adulthood.