Core Concepts
In trying to avoid becoming like the flawed individuals around them, the author unintentionally mirrored those very same undesirable traits, leading to deep regret and a struggle to reclaim their true self.
Abstract
The author recounts their childhood experience of observing the adults around them with a mixture of fear and disappointment, as they seemed trapped in lives full of bitterness and regret. Determined not to end up the same way, the author made a vow to never be like them - to be kind instead of cruel, and selfless instead of selfish.
However, as the author grew older, they gradually transformed into the very person they despised. In an effort to protect themselves from pain and vulnerability, the author built walls around themselves, becoming cold and distant. The author now struggles to recognize the person they have become, realizing that the choices made to survive have led to a betrayal of their own values.
The author expresses deep regret and an inability to forgive themselves for this transformation, acknowledging that the pain of the past does not excuse the person they are today. They wonder if it is too late to change and rebuild the trust they have broken, but are determined to learn from their experiences and grow into a better version of themselves - one that is kind, compassionate, and true to their word.
Stats
"I will never be like them."
"I thought I was strong, but maybe I was just scared. Scared of being hurt, scared of being vulnerable."
"Fear dictated my actions, and now, I'm left with the consequences."
Quotes
"I can't forgive myself for what I've become. The pain of my past doesn't excuse the person I am today."
"I don't know what kind of person I want to be, but I know it will not be like them."
"I don't know how to forgive myself, but I know I have to try."