Core Concepts
The five essential factors for determining compatibility in a romantic relationship are chemistry, sexual chemistry, shared interests, shared values, and the capacity to build a future together.
Abstract
The article discusses the five key factors that determine compatibility in a romantic relationship:
Chemistry: This refers to the effortless and natural connection between two people, where they can easily interact and have fun even in mundane situations. The "DMV test" is used to assess this - if you still enjoy each other's company in boring situations, then you likely have strong chemistry.
Sexual Chemistry: This is an extension of general chemistry and is crucial for maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship. The author advocates for assessing sexual compatibility early on, as it is difficult to control and can be a dealbreaker if lacking.
Shared Interests: The importance of this factor depends on the individual's personality. Some people are more flexible and can adapt to different interests, while others place a higher value on sharing common hobbies and activities.
Shared Values: Aligning on core values, such as life goals, beliefs, and priorities, is essential for long-term compatibility and the ability to build a future together.
Capacity to Build Together: Beyond just enjoying each other's company, the couple must have the ability to work as a team, make plans, and create a shared vision for their future.
The author emphasizes that while chemistry and sexual compatibility are important, the other factors, such as shared interests and values, are also crucial for a successful and fulfilling long-term relationship.
Quotes
"The most straightforward assessment of it is what I call the 'DMV test.' When you get stuck in boring situations with that person, like wading through traffic, waiting for a doctor's appointment, or, God forbid, having to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles together, do you still have fun? If so, then I believe you have the number one most important thing a relationship needs."
"Sex gets markedly better as we continue to do it with the same person over time, but there's a spark and compatibility that's either present here or it's not. It can be a terrible realization that you lack sexual chemistry with someone you otherwise really like, but ultimately a romantic relationship is a sexual one. Thus, this factor can't be overlooked."