Conceitos essenciais
The author grapples with overwhelming feelings of discomfort, lack of purpose, and a sense of helplessness in the face of life's challenges, while finding solace in the support of friends and their spiritual practices.
Resumo
The content is a raw and honest personal narrative that delves into the author's recent experiences and inner turmoil. It begins with the author acknowledging their struggle to write and express themselves, but resolves to do so regardless of the messiness.
The author describes a pervasive sense of discomfort, both physical and mental, stemming from the oppressive heat and the "absolute rot" of their surroundings. This discomfort has led to a paralysis and an inability to function, with the author feeling trapped in their own melancholy.
The author questions their purpose in life, expressing a desire for a simpler existence focused on cherishing relationships and experiences, rather than chasing lofty ambitions. However, they acknowledge the pressure to "get something doing" in order to survive, which fills them with a sense of doom and anxiety.
The author also grapples with the perceived unfairness of life, particularly the challenges of escaping poverty without a support system. This leads to feelings of helplessness and a constant state of disarray in their living space.
Despite the difficulties, the author finds solace in their friendships, which have kept them "alive." However, they still feel a deep sense of loneliness and a yearning for the physical presence of their loved ones.
Turning to their spirituality, the author views this challenging period as a necessary stage, seeking comfort in the rituals and guidance of their ancestors. They express a fragile hope in making it through this difficult time.
The content concludes with the author acknowledging the loss they have experienced, the ongoing struggle, and a desire to find a way forward, while engaging in activities that bring them joy, such as reading, watching movies, and appreciating art.
Citações
"I remind myself that writing is as necessary for me as breathing, these thoughts of mine need to be expelled and if they come out muddled and messy, so be it."
"My sadness is not simple, it paralyzes me so I cannot function. It weighs me down so I walk around with a hunch, this is just how it has always been."
"I don't know if I have a purpose in life. And if you ask me, I don't think that should be a problem."
"To get money, you have to spend money. I lack both. I don't know what I'll even eat for dinner. The circling back to square one is frustrating me. I feel helpless and it is an incredibly horrifying feeling."